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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24326143">our nebulous minds</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8'>sunflower_8</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>saimota week 2020!! [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Post-Canon, idk - Freeform, not cathartic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 05:34:42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24326143</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>but he can’t say that, because what does shuichi say? and how does he reply, how does the dance of conversation progress from there? there are thousands of things to analyze, but kaito never does, because he’s never the one to lay evidence bare.</p><p>so instead, he just sighs, ‘i know.’</p><p>(or, a sliver of shuichi and kaito's nights as they cope with the simulation)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Momota Kaito/Saihara Shuichi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>saimota week 2020!! [3]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1751038</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>34</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>our nebulous minds</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>kaito momota already feels the misery settle in before the melancholy can begin.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>it’s one of those nights where memories fold in on them and the walls press a little closer (warming up for hell) and his lover can’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>forget </span>
  </em>
  <span>the consequences of seeing many die. it’s a night that tears him away from work with the excuse that </span>
  <em>
    <span>my boyfriend is sick</span>
  </em>
  <span> even though they’re both sick in a different way. traumatized and hurt endlessly-- they ache in the place where serotonin should be. it all starts from one damning existence, one mistake, a lifetime of consequences:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>danganronpa.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>kaito’s memories are more nebulous than his boyfriend’s, so even if they’ve seen every murder, standing at each other’s side, and even if they’ve seen every execution, every trial,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>he can’t remember them as clearly, as painfully, as shuichi saihara, with a heroic veneer that has crumbled at kaito’s gentle gaze, his body curled beside his as he begins to shake.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘you have to keep going, sidekick,’ he murmurs, holding shuichi’s shaking hands in his. he’s so cold. why is he cold? ‘it’s going to be alright,’ he promises, even though nothing is anymore, and he’s fooling nobody because he can’t even fool himself.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>and, really, shuichi is infinitely smarter than he is, though the detective would deny that. kaito doesn’t think that condemning people in the past makes you a fool. but that doesn’t matter, not anymore.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>point is, kaito can’t deceive anyone, even when it would be more merciful than watching the love of his forfeit life fall apart.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘i’m so tired, kaito.’ and kaito refocuses on the person who looks so much like a shadow that he may just fade into the night. and he likes stars, really, they both like stars, but kaito wishes he could just clear the sky and fill it with a black hole because that’s how he </span>
  <em>
    <span>feels</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>empty.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>but he can’t say that, because what does shuichi say? and how does he reply, how does the dance of conversation progress from there? there are thousands of things to analyze, but kaito never does, because he’s never the one to lay evidence bare.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>so instead, he just sighs, ‘i know.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>shuichi moves closer, pressing his face into the other’s chest as if it can protect him from himself. he really, really wishes it could (a savior’s complex doesn’t disappear that easily). he gently cups the back of the other’s head, diverting his eyes away from him. the window is cracked open. the door is locked. there’s a shirt on the floor, thrown off for being so constricting. the sheets are a tangled mess. the mirror is partly shattered after he punched a hole in it.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>shuichi breathes shakily. ‘why? why does this have to </span>
  <em>
    <span>happen</span>
  </em>
  <span>?’ his voice cracks and he chokes out a sob. ‘i want it to </span>
  <em>
    <span>stop</span>
  </em>
  <span>. kaito, i-’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘shuichi.' he lifts one hand up to kiss it-- his right hand, the one that pointed at every culprit. 'it’s going to be okay. have hope-'</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>'fuck hope!' he shouts suddenly. 'fuck </span>
  <em>
    <span>all of it</span>
  </em>
  <span>! i hate it! i don’t want it any more, i… i </span>
  <em>
    <span>hate </span>
  </em>
  <span>it!'</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘shuichi,’ he repeats, and he quietens.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>when he speaks again, it is a passive whisper, ‘i can’t take this anymore.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>‘i know.’</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>and they both understand that knowledge can’t save them,</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>and yet. </span>
  <em>
    <span>yet.</span>
  </em>
  
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>i think mourning // sleep was the prompt</p><p>yea </p><p>this is. Really Not Super Great. i kinda re-looked at it cuz i wrote it like a month ago and i couldn't retain any information so i was like instead of not continuing it i'm just gonna. Do An End. so that's where i'm at rn</p><p>i did write some other things though but im not in saimota brain unfortunately. mainly just. kirizonoberg and komahina ig. but i mean i'm always into both of those things</p><p>i have no fucking idea what im saying</p><p>ok bye</p></blockquote></div></div>
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